The Office

Where do I begin?  It's the most uneventful experience..wait, let me digress, the average day in the office is dull and cumbersome.  Now and again, you get your quacks, the real weirdos.  I once witnessed a woman have a split personality spasm - first she was a flowery artist, then a GI Jane, then a divorcee with multiple aliases, struggling with a new-found relationship and a new last name.  Her tone varied and her facial expressions morphed right before my eyes with each squeak and squawk of her voice.  Others have been drug users, too stoned to comprehend the basics of what they needed to do, twitching as they attempt composure, their physicality reeking of meth use.  Of course, on those rare occasions, people are very pleasant, very 'normal' and kind.  Witty or lighthearted banter abounds with these few and, it's on days like this I truly appreciate what I do; when I am truly working and helping or guiding, is when I feel best about this job.

Despite endless restraint and contradiction from the powers that be, I always attempt to put customers first.  Meeting their needs, after all, should be the ultimate goal in a customer service driven market.  And that is what we are in, I am told, after a thorough two hour training session, aka sensitivity training.  Customers are the top priority and customer service will be the key to our success.  I call bullshit. There are more important things than just customer service...like quality?  Of which, we have little to offer.  There is some hope on the horizon as old faces fade away and new minds come into positions of great power and decision making.  With these new people come positive ideas - better ideas - that might help us see true progress.

Until that time comes, however, bureaucracy reigns supreme.      

For M

With each brick I slowly added a wall; a difficult barrier to break down.  But yours is a love that is patient and kind.  You are forgiving.  And see beyond flaws; see something beautiful in me that I can't understand.  I've let myself embrace you, in a way that is so rare for someone like me.  Let my guard down, been so open and present; I thought it wasn't really possible to find in a partner that kind of connection.

But then I built up the walls and nearly broke us.  And am hopeful that together we can bring it back - the childish fervor of freedom.  That lack of concern for anything else in the world.  That ever-present sense of being.  Life does happen and can get in the way; but I don't want life to be all about the 'stuff', the 'responsibilities' and material, external world.  I want it to be about the secret conversations when we're alone, the dreams we share and bask in, the songs we sing together, the little details of ourselves that we share in common; you're tender kisses and warm hugs - so inviting, so nonjudgmental.  The way you look at me.

My promise to you will always be to make an effort; to do my best in recognizing my issues and working on them.  To not shut you out, and to give in return the most wonderful gift that you have given; friendship and true love.  You are my best friend, a dear friend; that once in a lifetime chance at something real.  I won't screw it up.


~HB

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