For M

With each brick I slowly added a wall; a difficult barrier to break down.  But yours is a love that is patient and kind.  You are forgiving.  And see beyond flaws; see something beautiful in me that I can't understand.  I've let myself embrace you, in a way that is so rare for someone like me.  Let my guard down, been so open and present; I thought it wasn't really possible to find in a partner that kind of connection.

But then I built up the walls and nearly broke us.  And am hopeful that together we can bring it back - the childish fervor of freedom.  That lack of concern for anything else in the world.  That ever-present sense of being.  Life does happen and can get in the way; but I don't want life to be all about the 'stuff', the 'responsibilities' and material, external world.  I want it to be about the secret conversations when we're alone, the dreams we share and bask in, the songs we sing together, the little details of ourselves that we share in common; you're tender kisses and warm hugs - so inviting, so nonjudgmental.  The way you look at me.

My promise to you will always be to make an effort; to do my best in recognizing my issues and working on them.  To not shut you out, and to give in return the most wonderful gift that you have given; friendship and true love.  You are my best friend, a dear friend; that once in a lifetime chance at something real.  I won't screw it up.


~HB

Solving the world's problems one post at a time.

First post of 2015

It's time to regurgitate. Something has happened. Over the last few months, maybe longer, I've become closed off. There was a brief period of time that I felt open and free; that I felt like I was beginning to understand life and appreciate it. There is so much that I've allowed to muddle my view; make it shades of black and gray, full of dread and discontent that leaves a person nearly hopeless. I see myself reverting back to that state of being, a state I never wish to be in again. It's easy to do in such a hate filled world.

I often wonder how people go on living, while some children sleep in the cold, people watch as their homes are destroyed by human and nature, atrocious acts are carried out by humans against other humans, like torture, or while the earth continues to spin, bits of the universe continually discovered and we are no more closer to understanding our true purpose here.

But I guess the thing to remember is that we all create our own universe.  I know that if I put positivity into the world around me, sharing it with others, well...this is all one can do right?  For I am one mere human among so many others.

So I hope and pray with you all tonight - for those that also do and for any that care - for a better tomorrow. May we rejoice in the good moments in our lives and someday learn to (co) exist peacefully together as humans, all of us. I love you all.

~HB

Solving the world's problems one post at a time.

Love - Crazy love

Is it possible to care for someone so much that you would allow them to hurt you?  I mean any kind of hurt, physical or emotional.  I suppose love is just that - trusting someone so much that you would let them cause you harm.  Because maybe you believe that deep down they really care and would never wish to cause you pain or suffering.  Or you don't really believe it, but rather you just hope for it.  A dwindling hope as time goes on and they continue to do the same stupid things.  How are we to know when love is real?  Is this irrational form of disrespect to oneself a sign of true love?  Movies and popular culture seem to say so.  But does that then stem from reality, or is it just made up garbage?  I like to think real love is kind, compassionate.  That it does not hurt, but heals.  That it can conquer pain and hatred, and all of those other horrid, petty human feelings.  Call me a hopeless romantic - hopelessly insane.  It's just what I feel - though time and again the Universe seems to prove me incorrect.  I will keep trekking; I will keep believing and hoping that this love - this ethereal concept - can actually manifest itself in my life.


~HB

Solving the world's problems one post at a time. 

World Peace and a Real Life Utopia?

This may very well be the most brilliant thing I have ever written...or not...you decide.  I feel this way, because it is so simple.  I'm sure many of you know of the illusive Illuminati, yes?  The never-ending supply of theories behind the meaning of life, the being(s) that control our planet - or even the universe - is incredibly lucrative.  I myself have become a ‘believer’ of conspiracy theories - and spiritual theories - about life as I know it.  Corporations and a ‘secret society’ of the top 1 or 2 or whatever percent run the global economy and are the cause of many wars and other disasters; no, reptilian aliens control the world and are the real evil-doers behind most or all wars and disasters; no, no, God hates us except for a select few - who will be saved - and this is why we see strife, destruction in the world; or is it the cosmos and life lessons that we are all here to learn - for people to suffer because they must learn in this life and hopefully change in later lives - only to be eventually one with the Universe.  These are just a small blip of ideas behind the reasoning for our circumstances.  These ideas become scapegoats for our reality.

Could it be that, we humans, are just a heaping pile of whiny, selfish organisms - dazed and confused because we are so over stimulated with material wealth?  Okay, so not everyone has material wealth - and some people are starving for food, clean water and other necessary things we beings require for our survival.  And yet, we can look to cultures like the Hazda that live solely on what surrounds them - and live quite simply - without the destruction, aggression, petty emotions that arise in a ‘civilized,’ modern society.  Why am I mentioning this, I’m sure you are wondering (I am actually wondering how it is that you have gotten this far into my post - and for that I am grateful).  Because I believe there may be an even simpler answer to life as we know it.

Imagine, if you will, a real live utopia.  Where people got along with each other, with differing belief systems and ideas; where food and water was shared and we saw no poverty, no depression, none of the dreadful things that plague societies.  A place where everyone was happy and healthy.  Many believe this is totally unattainable because humans are incapable, that there will always be evil, that we are not free of petty emotions.  I would like to offer another response as to why this beautiful ideal is not an option for the current state of human beings.

Are you ready?  Cause this is gonna blow your mind....we are reflectors for our problems.  What I mean by this is that, we blame other people and entities for our/the world's problems.  Rather, it is our daily decisions that change the world.  It is all a matter of positive energy that starts within, which can be manifested in so many ways; like buying stuff, driving a car, using plastic bags, or being kind to all living organisms - most especially our planet, our life source.  Now, I realize that there are people out there who do live in a conscious state.  I know people like this, have met many and read amazing pieces by individuals who understand this concept of energy and living in a state of consciousness.  So to this, I would like to stress the idea of not using scapegoats, such as the Illuminati or God, to put all of our energy/hatred.  Though these entities may very well be a major cause of strife, we are also a large factor.  This, my friends, is the first big step towards true change.

I will not lie to you about myself.  As I too have, and do, place a lot of anger onto others and entities that may or may not exist; though I know in my heart that it all starts with me.  People do not lie when they say that change begins on the grassroots level; and those are the very humans we should all look to for enlightenment and encouragement to make better life choices.  So I say, look inward first, see the person that you are and aspire for who you would like to be.  Then extend that to others in your community - seek out the help of like-minded people and together...we will change the world.

Love,
HB~

Solving the world's problems one post at a time. 

Generation Distraction

We are coming upon a new era of youth; one filled with distractions.  Nearly everyday young Americans drink and dope themselves into an alternate existence, numbing themselves.  Speaking from experience, I know how self-destructive this type of behavior is, and how hard it is to overcome and learn to just 'be.'  Beyond the physical distractions, there is also the use of electronics to transform our perceptions of the world and to - literally - take us into another state of mind/being.  One in which human contact is preferred via text messages, snap chats, and various social networking sites.  Many people protest against this; instead, request that we humans shut off our phones and sit around for some serious human interaction.

My fear is that none of the warnings matter, and that we keep diving further and further into the abyss, the unknown future of technology.  Some would argue - and many have with me directly - that technology and the future is unavoidable; that we should just give in, learn to adapt to it.  I disagree, in spite of the fact that this is an online blog and will potentially be read by people on cell phones, tablets, and other obscene devices.  So why, being the anti-conformist person that I always attempt to be, would I write a blog?  I hope to reach those few people out there that might read this and think differently.  I hope to make people look at the world in a whole other light - and perhaps raise more awareness and understanding to some of the bigger downfalls that coincide with 'progressive' cultures.

But, that is a tangent saved for another post.  What happens when we are constantly 'plugged-in'?  We lose face-to-face human interactions, which could potentially lead to, especially amongst youth, social phobias, discomfort in social settings, and even a dumbing down of whole generations.  To be bold, how does this type of generation lead to a furthering of the species?  If we are constantly playing with electronics, when is there time for engagement with another human being, and time to enjoy intimacy? 

And if these young people are all consumed by their electronics, only present when induced by drugs or alcohol, then those that are actually engaging in procreation, are often inebriated.  Or, at best, those sober persons will only further the generation of distraction by giving their children electronic babysitters, instead of love and affection, and engagement.  Parents could easily be replaced by devices.  And pretty soon we will be just like Bruce Willis in Surrogates.

Dramatic?  I think not.  Prove me otherwise...I triple dog dare you.

Love,
HB

Solving the world's problems one post at a time.

Shopping Mall Reality

Awkward noises fill my ears.  I can’t seem to break through the fog of the city and find my place.  As I wander around this shopping mall, I see empty faces.  My senses are overwhelmed by everything, taking in each smell and sight.  I’ve been here before, but yet it seems so new.  Like I am a foreign student, hailing from a small village where modernity has not yet veered his path.  Is it possible to lose touch with the world in such a short period of time?  I feel lost in this place.  I feel like I don’t belong here, like I never will.  This culture of buying seems ridiculous, cold even.  They’ve lost touch with reality, or perhaps just changed it.  A father stands, hunched over on his cell phone, as his wife plays with the children on a plastic play set in the middle of the food court.  What could possibly be more important?  People buy overpriced garbage from name brand stores, all made in foreign nations.  The ambiance is not relaxing, rather unsettling; but it seems I am the only one to notice.  It feels like a dream, or maybe a nightmare, something I cannot break from.  I just want to go outside and breathe. 

My pace quickens as I move closer to the nearest exit.  I push the door and frantically rush to my car.  As I body slam the passenger door, my lungs finally react.  How will I ever find my place in this world?  I cradle myself and sit against the car.  It seems like days pass before I come to, get in the car, and head home.

At night I sit in the backyard.  Cars drive by; some slowly, but most fast and loud.  To my left and right are homes, places of security.  No lights appear to be on anywhere.  Families are fast asleep.  It’s late.  I should go inside and try to rest myself.  But the night is beautiful.  The moon is full, absolutely wondrous.  I wish to go back to the ‘wild.’  It’s difficult to not be so negative.  I feel like I am drowning. 

I cradle myself and whisper softly “This is not my home.  This is not my home.  I do not belong here, I don’t belong here.” 

~HB

Solving the world's problems one post at a time.

3-20-14

I saw a lot more for myself by this age.  It feels as though nothing will compare to this year of my life.  So much growth and confusion all muddled together.  Where will I end up?  Will I ever find that one special person?  Will I have a family?  Will I love myself?  Was life this complex for a woman of 25, some 25 years ago?  Perhaps not nearly as much, perhaps worse.  Perhaps I should not complain about my current circumstance.  And then the wine kicks in a little further and I feel more philosophical and weepy.  Woe is my American youthful experience.  I just don’t feel that young anymore.  I feel so little of a connection with ‘my kind’ that it scares me.  The surface is easy, but when I drink that surface wears thin, more opaque than the plaster that I hide behind.  ‘You are a grown woman,’ I tell myself regularly, some lame attempt at sanity in this insane world.  What does that really mean?  That I shouldn’t cry when I am feeling lonely and sad?  That I should be more guarded and aware?  That I should realize more about life and accept that my current situation will transform in the blink of an eye?  Yes.  Perhaps all of these things are so blatantly true.  Shit.  Too bad I couldn’t stay in that bubble.  I rather liked it in there.